So instead of having something clever here or some reasonable topic to discuss or rant about, what am I doing? Nothing too entertaining that’s for sure. My current significant other is my GRE study book & I cannot wait for this breakup.

Now look, I understand Grad school and that whole concept is to show that you’re meant to be there. But here’s the thing for this particular goober: I’m absolutely horrendous at standardized testing.

For the longest time I believed I was just subpar in most aspects of my life. I wasn’t athletic in the slightest (I don’t even take the stairs now to be honest) I wasn’t the easiest on the eyes (still waiting for that magic of puberty that steps up people’s aesthetic exponentially) but nothing demoralized me than realizing how insignificant standardized testing made me feel. So many of my friends growing up were just able to ace those things and I was just so painfully average.

And now I’m facing the monster that is the GRE. I haven’t done serious math since high school. I mean sure I like to turn a phrase every once in a while but that’s because using elaborate vocabulary in every day life is impractical. Writing can get tricky because time constrictions still get on the bad side of my anxiety.

This test prep has just been horrible on my outlook on the future. If I didn’t put the exam into the equation, I’d be set for my grad school plans. My resume isn’t so bad. I’m more than pleased with my grades. Other than needing some organization, my portfolio is pretty solid. I handle interviews pretty well. And I really love what I want to do. Reviewing for this test has me second guessing all that stuff because of the immense fear that no one will even look at my qualifications since I do poorly on standardized tests.

I hope dealing with the idea of the future gets easier to deal with once I get past this hurdle. I’m just getting so drained from trying to prepare for this test.