For the longest time, I believed that I wasn’t that important or could accomplish month. After almost 22 years on this planet, I can confidently say that I still feel that way about life. All the things I’ve gone through, every time I would get to this point where I get the chance to look back and see how far I’ve come, it just never seems to work out for me.

I mean yes, I understand that life works out the way it’s supposed to. It just always sucks to feel like no matter how hard I try just being good at what I do just isn’t enough for some people.

Like it just seems that sometimes only if you’re the absolute best or worst, do you ever get notice for what you do. Just being good at something doesn’t mean as much as it used to. Is it the under current of a huge fear of failure that was instilled upon me at a young age? Probably. Do I sound like a little kid just shouting “it’s not fair?” Most likely. But my feelings are pretty valid in my mind set since this idea of being good but not great has just done horrors on my self-esteem or severe lack there of.

But the thing is, I’ve honestly lost sight in my own ability because I just honestly feel like there’s no point in being proud of what I do when it just seems to be nothing special. A lot of things I do just seem to be not that special. I just do things because they’re what I’m able to do or it’s the right thing to do.

Don’t get me wrong, my heart is 210% in any of my writing at all times. It just I don’t see it as a big deal anymore. Writing has become such a natural part of my every day life that I don’t see it as something I’m good or bad at anymore. It’s the precious art that I’ve incorporated into my everyday life that I don’t even think twice about going to do regularly. Is it a skill or a talent? Not too sure at this point. All I know is that I can write and talk to people pretty decently. But no one really pays mind to people who do a regularly decent job at what they care about.

So I’m just gonna keep writing and working and doing what I love. One day I’m just hoping that I’ll be good enough that people will actually see my work and then that day when I write that one story that I feel is my absolute best, just maybe I’ll accomplish my dream and influence even one person’s life. For now, I’m just gonna be just another face or voice floating around, who accepts that her best just won’t be good enough for a while.