Let’s rewind the clock back to around 2009. It was a lovely spring day. I was spending a little bit of the afternoon with my boyfriend at the time before I hopped onto the R Train and then took my bus back towards my house. As I was waiting in line, my phone was just getting all the text messages I had missed while being underground.

*One new voicemail*

It was from my best friend at the time. Spark note version? She had called to tell me that her parents had essentially found letters I had written, assumed that I had a thing for their daughter, and were effectively ending our friendship right there. The thing that haunted me is that they had called me a lesbian and I still didn’t understand why the label was being used in such a condescending matter. All I did know is that the idea of being anything but 100% heterosexual was problematic and could result in losing friends. Little did I know is that it shoved the true Kristina a little deeper into the closet that she didn’t even realize she was stuck in.

For the longest time, I just stayed in that closet because I was scared to open that door. I was so scared of losing more people that I just believed that the only answer was to remain safe in heterosexuality. It took a hell of a long time before I became more aware that despite sometimes the loudest voices being the most ignorant, there were so many people out there who were just like me and that I wasn’t alone. Most of all, I learned that if I lost people because of who I truly am, they weren’t people who I should have kept around anyway.

Was I aware that watching a comedic webseries about a vampire and shenanigans at a university would help me realize this? No, not even a little bit. All I knew going into Winter Break 2014 – 2015, is that I was 100% straight. After spending Christmas watching the entire first half of season of Carmilla and thinking ‘hey this entire cast is pretty attractive, WAIT THEY’RE MOSTLY WOMEN.’ Yeah it was a confusing time and I stopped watching and looked into the different levels on the spectrum of sexuality. Before I knew it, I finished the season, discovered a new show that I loved dearly, and realized that Kristina Atienza is technically a demisexual.

Slowly but surely, I opened that door a bit. I was more honest with my friends and would mention casually how I identified as demisexual. I eventually came out to my sisters as well and the funniest thing was the fact that all of my friends and family that I had originally came out to weren’t even phased. Most of them already had the inkling that I was, they were just being polite enough that to wait for me to say something. Then came the biggest step in my life – coming out to my mom.

I decided to chop off all my hair because I wanted to finish my final year of my undergrad happy with who I was in as many ways as possible. So the day I went from having long hair (like I had done for most of my life) to the shortest my hair had ever been since I was a kid, I decided to really go for it. I had gone  into the mentality that the worst outcome could be that my mom would get super upset and kick me out, so I had a backup plan of moving back into my college apartment earlier and would give her a month of breathing time. Thankfully I never needed the escape plan. My mom wasn’t phased either, she just told me to focus on my studies because my education will always be with me, no matter who I end up dating. I was just so happy with the outcome that I posted the above picture on all my social media to publicly come out (I didn’t owe it to anyone. Since I put most of my life on various media, I thought it would be fitting to not hide that part of myself.)

Since the haircut and not needing to hide who I was anymore, I really felt free: I dressed more to a more androgynous style like I had always wanted; I could feel more confident that I could date whoever I fell for; I didn’t have anything to hide so I just lived my life to the fullest. It made me feel even better that my friends weren’t even too surprised. I’ve heard so many times that I seem more happy and confident with my look and overall appearance. I’ve come into my own and I can’t even deny that I look like I’m more happy with my life.

Just looking at this comparison of me before I went to Christmas mass in 2014 and 2015, you can see how much of a difference there is. I think I even said how after I came out, I immediately felt so happy that I could have taken on all the dementors from that tried attacking Harry and Sirius.

It kills me when things like today happen. It totally kicks any progress or positive vibes I’ve had since I came out.

I usually don’t listen to people when I walk by, but my headphones had died so I couldn’t just ignore the usual chatter that fills up my campus sometimes. I was walking the short distance from the campus food mart to my radio station when I heard a guy mutter (not quietly whatsoever) “damn faggots.”

It just knocked a lot of the wind out of my sails. I was stunned and slightly stumbled. I looked around slightly, seeing if he was talking to anyone else (which would be just as insulting) but then I came to the sad realization that he was talking about me. I couldn’t even react (okay that’s a little bit of a lie, I just barely refrained from trying to smack the ignorance out of him with the pool stick) because what the actual hell.

A person’s interest in another human generally isn’t your business. Unless there’s some direct consequence that my sexuality has or if you’re living my life when I’m not awake, it’s none of your business to comment on anything like that. How dare you, sir. So what if I walk around in a dress shirt and a tie? How is that hurting you? I’m literally just trying to graduate like anyone else on this campus. So what if I look like I might not be straight? Are you that afraid that I might do something to you? Let people be. Keep your ignorant comments to yourself.

We all deserve the very best chance of being happy. Idiots like you don’t get to change that. I am who I am. Stop using that to make me feel like than what I deserve. There is no reason we should be still degrading people because they just don’t follow societal standards of normalcy. A person’s sexuality is part of who they are. We don’t choose it, it’s as much a part of us as our name, our culture, etc. I’m tired of hiding who I am because it might offend someone else. I just want to live and do my thing. No one deserves to be on the receiving end of this nonsense. Come on, it’s 2016. We need to do better, we need to be better towards each other.